This tat just fucking bothers me...fuck...seriously...when did that go from being a joke that was said while drunk, to actually paying lots of money to get that shit done???!!!...fuck...i'd rather have a fucking ice cream cone tattooed on my face then get a cat and its asshole...i hope this guy is married cause if i was a woman and the first time we were naked and saw that shit, i'd freak...
How to Get Arrested Like A Muthafuckin Boss!!!
Have you ever needed a tutorial on how to get arrested like a boss? Well youtube has a remedy for your woes.
Ads From Yesteryear
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| A wonder what blowing on her breasts would get you? |
Apparently a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away men could get away with whatever the fuck they wanted. Somehow, some way you just know this ad is responsible for all types of fucked up shit on Earth. The divorce rate would be lower but for this ad. John Wayne Bobbit would never have had his penis muscle lopped off and thrown into an irrigation ditch if it wasn't for this ad. This ad likely lead to male pattern baldness and testicular cancer. I mean don't get me wrong fellas, there is nothing wrong with thinking back to when we had it all our own way but shit like this leads to revolutions and you know who lost that one!
And You thought eating Swanson Frozen Dinners in University Sucked Balls.
THIS SHIT WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES RIGHT HERE!!!
LET THE BRAVE AND MIGHTY AMONG YOU BARE WITNESS AS THIS WOMAN RUINS THE INTERNET AND VAGINA AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been to enough strip clubs in Toronto to know that Australia produces a saucy selection of blonde wenches. But this video of Casey Jenkins makes me wish I'd never purchased a $5 lap dance ticket in my life. I feel like my money has been used to fund a terrorist cell meanwhile I thought I was just innocently buying some opium.
Just when you think they'd managed to breed all the witchcraft genes out of their populace this wiccan low priestess shoves a ball of yarn up her cooch and starts knitting niggas ear muffs and scarves and shit. Now you take off your scarf and your neck looks like your dick does after having sex and you didn't shower so your dick looks like Elmer's glue is peeling off of that shit. Who wants a post-sex penis neck as a consequence of wearing a scarf? Especially considering we have perfectly non penisifying scarves right now. On top of that she's rocking a 70's bush meaning you're going to have random pussy hairs tickling your ears when you put those bad boys on. And what does pussy yarn even smell like? The crack of a wet sheep's ass would be my best guess.
Did I mention the show doesn't stop when she's on the rag? So yeah period blood, and a white scarf has me thinking Where's Waldo will never be the same again. That's traumatic shit.
Anyway feast your eyes below to witness the very first time a woman has EVER pulled something out her vagina on video and I've failed to be amused.
Australia is going to have to bring Steve Irwin back from the dead to get forgiven for this shit here.
Just when you think they'd managed to breed all the witchcraft genes out of their populace this wiccan low priestess shoves a ball of yarn up her cooch and starts knitting niggas ear muffs and scarves and shit. Now you take off your scarf and your neck looks like your dick does after having sex and you didn't shower so your dick looks like Elmer's glue is peeling off of that shit. Who wants a post-sex penis neck as a consequence of wearing a scarf? Especially considering we have perfectly non penisifying scarves right now. On top of that she's rocking a 70's bush meaning you're going to have random pussy hairs tickling your ears when you put those bad boys on. And what does pussy yarn even smell like? The crack of a wet sheep's ass would be my best guess.
Did I mention the show doesn't stop when she's on the rag? So yeah period blood, and a white scarf has me thinking Where's Waldo will never be the same again. That's traumatic shit.
Anyway feast your eyes below to witness the very first time a woman has EVER pulled something out her vagina on video and I've failed to be amused.
Australia is going to have to bring Steve Irwin back from the dead to get forgiven for this shit here.
TATTOOS AND ASS WIN THE INTERNET TODAY!!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
THE ROB FORD SEX TAPE!!!!????
THE WINNER OF TODAY'S INTERNET IS HERE!!!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it was to not use words like Van Dammege or Van Damme It when typing that title? It was tough but I persevered. The truth is if you were ever an old school Kung Fu movie fan then you probably also spent some time watching the brief "ninja movie" movement from the 80's. Which would then have lead you toward the Karate/Kickboxing type movies of the later 80's. Which probably means at some point you had an eye open toward the career of one Mr. Jean Claude Van Damme. Whatever anyone says about his movies no one can say Bloodsport wasn't the shit. Sure some people said they were going to go see his 2008 flick JCVD, and some even went so far as to pretend that they saw the movie and in theatres at that. And of all those who pretended to see the film the vast majority of them pretended that they enjoyed it. Still despite all that pretend love it will always begin and end with muthafukkin kumite bricks don't hit back Bloodsport.
Anyway that was the movie that introduced most of us to the famous Van Damme splits that blurred the line between male and female. He had done them in prior movies but Bloodsport was the film that made them legendary. Anyway that splits technique was so widely talked about that Van Damme started doing it every chance he got. Every movie, t.v appearances, they should bury him in a coffin shaped like a Tetris piece he did the splits so much. It started becoming corny fast. He did the splits while warming up, he did them amongst bamboo trees, he did them to punch a man in the balls and to kill man as he lay in wait. Like how many times are you going to find that the splits is the perfect way to win a fight before you maybe develop a round house, Muay Thai plum? Some shit.
Still, no matter how corny that shit got this video here brings right back to cool street.
Fuck. Yeah. As is often the case sometimes a vulva has to be sacrificed for the greater good.
OGC GUN CLAPPA #1
Two things come to mind watching this clip. One, if this guy was born in Compton he'd be well on his way to having the greatest gangsta rap career of all time and two, if this guy was born in Compton he'd be serving multiple consecutive life sentences thereby negating thing number one. But that still works out because this dude does two things faster than anyone else can do one thing.
Watch the video to see for yourself the fastest gun in the west, the east, the north and the south. He's the fastest gun on any continent You can choose a hemisphere and he's still the fastest. Oh your toilet water rotates counter clockwise? Well he's still faster and will shoot the shit right out of your Aussie anus. He's the fast gun in the universe, in your mother's uterus. I don't give a shit. He's fast.
Holder of 18 gunslinging world records. Which is all of them and he held them for decades, introducing Mr. Bob Munden.
Just me and you Speed of Light. Just me and you. I'll put trademarks around your fuckin' eyes.
JUST A DAB WILL DO YA!
Dabs (wax, extract, butane, shatter) are becoming all the rage among the cannabis in crowd. Don't get me wrong extracts have been around for years but we are currently at a point where they are more popular than ever. I suspect the fact that a lot of people are using quality buds instead of just trim as the base for their extracts is one of the selling points. Also while you can get bud in the range of 20+% THC these days. That shit ain't going to hold a candle to the 80% THC people are reportedly testing extracts at.
Which is exactly why no gangsta rapper should take their first hit off a dab of wax on camera. I mean if someone promises you a pound of weed if you can take one hit that is a hint and a half for your ass not to take them up on the offer. Enter young Roscoe, brother of DPG Founder Kurupt the Kingpin. Roscoe can be heard featured on the song "I Call Shots" off of Kurupt West Coast classic LP Streetz iz a Mutha.
Which is exactly why no gangsta rapper should take their first hit off a dab of wax on camera. I mean if someone promises you a pound of weed if you can take one hit that is a hint and a half for your ass not to take them up on the offer. Enter young Roscoe, brother of DPG Founder Kurupt the Kingpin. Roscoe can be heard featured on the song "I Call Shots" off of Kurupt West Coast classic LP Streetz iz a Mutha.
Let's just say they may want to do a remix called "I Call the Ambulance". It's never going to be a good day when spectators start chanting Worldstar before bowl has even cooled.
Slow down. That ain't a bong homie.
FIND ME...I'M HERE...FIND ME...FIND ME...KEEP LOOKING UNTIL YOU FIND ME...I'M HERE...I'M HERE TO HELP YOU...FIND ME...KEEP LOOKING UNTIL YOU FIND ME...FIND ME...FIND ME...I'M ALWAYS WITH YOU BECAUSE I'M INSIDE YOU...FIND ME...
THAT'S SOME JUICY J TRIPPY SHIT RIGHT THERE...WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THAT ANTI-MARIJUANA CONCEPT NEEDS TO BE MAKING VIDEOS FOR KATE UPTON AND SNOOP DOGG!
This is some bullshit right here! These fuckers are turning people's real lives into Grand Theft Auto. I mean what do you do if you're riding around on your motorcycle minding your own business and most likely thinking of all the sweet vagina your bike is fixing to get you, when this shit happens?
Or how about this? From now on shut the fuck up about your commute to work and remember shit is real in Sao Paulo Brazil!
Yes. You. Just. Saw. That. Guy steals motor bike. Cop hops out of car and breaks him off proper. You want to steal a motorcycle? Well hold these hot shots in your damn small intestine buddy. Bet every shit he takes for the rest of the year is going to feel like he got the 4 piece extra spicy from a Popeye's back in 2002 when Sri Lankans first started buying the restaurants and they were fucking up the spice to flour ratio for months because they didn't realize North American corn holes were made of far more delicate tissue than those found in South East Asia.
Dude should have been shot just for rocking a Hollister shirt in my opinion. Whatever happened to the criminal element wearing dark inconspicuous clothing? This fucking guy thinks he's getting away with a bike jacking in broad daylight while dressed like a Del Monte fruit cup. Like the worse thing that could happen to him was Adam West hitting him with a Batarang.
That cop should go to his house and shoot his momma too. Douche bag.
Oh yeah for those that are interested some Reddit users apparently translated some of the dialogue after the shooting. I have no idea how accurate it is but it's pretty funny. Some highlights being.
Victim: Now you're gonna rob in hell you son of a bitch.
Robber (whining): I got shot!
Victim (pissed off): You go fuck yourself! You're the one pointing gun at other people's face!
Robber: Oh, I'm gonna die.
Victim: You sure will! You should have already! Son of a bitch.
Robber inaudible, apparently asks someone to get him something to drink.
Victim: You're gonna drink in hell! You're gonna drink the devil!
Robber: I'm dying!
Victim: Yeah, you're supposed to! You have to get fucked. You're not the one that likes to rob? Getting a job is something you don't want to, right?! Do you have any idea how much I'm working to pay for this motorcycle?! You have no idea, right! And then you take it away easily!
Robber to cop: I'm dying sir!
Victim: Oh now you say "sir" right?! You first scare the shit out of other people and now it's all "sir". "Sir" my ass buddy! Now you're gonna get fucked up in hell.